1. It’s called ‘reading’ – it’s the way human beings install new software on their brains…
2. – Daddy, I’m thinking of taking up a career in organised crime…
– For the government, or in the private sector?
Am mac as fheàrr air an t-saoghal
Dithis bhoireannach san t-seòmar-feitheaimh aig stèisean pòilis.
A: Na mic, eh? Chan e càil ach dragh a bhios ort leotha!
B UIll, ‘s e am mac as fheàrr air an t-saoghal a th’ agamsa!
A: Obh, a bheil? Nach gabh e smoc?
B: Cha ghabh.
A: Nach eil e dèidheil air uisge-beatha?
B: Chan eil.
A: Nach bidh e a’ tilleadh dhachaigh ann am meadhan na h-oidhche?
B: Cha bhi.
A: Nach eil bràmairean mì-fhreagarrach aige?
B: Chan eil.
A: Uill, tha thu ceart, ‘s e am mac as fheàrr a th’ agad da-rìribh! Nas fheàrr n’ am fear agamsa co-dhiù. Carson a tha thusa ann, ma-thà?
B: Ghoid cuidegin mo sporran.
A. Agus càite bheil do mhac mìorbhailleach nuair a tha feum agad air?
B: Och, tha esan aig an taigh còmhla ri athair. Tha co-là-breith aige.
A: Obh, dè an aois a tha e?
B: Aon bhliadhna a dh’aois an-diùgh!
The Best Son in the world.
Two women meet in the waiting-room at the police station.
A: Sons, eh? You have nothing but trouble with them!
B: Well, I have the best son in the world.
A: Oh, really? Doesn’t he smoke?
B: No, he doesn’t.
A: And he Isn’t fond of whiskey?
B: No, he isn’t.
A: He doesn’t come home in the middle of the night?
B: No, he doesn’t.
A: Doesn’t he have any unsuitable girlfriends?
B: No, he doesn’t.
A: Well, you really do have the best son. Better than my one, anyway. So why are you here?
B: Someone stole my purse.
A: Oh, so where’s your wonderful son when you need him?
B: Oh, he’s at home with his dad. It’s his birthday.
A: Oh, how old is he?
B: One year old today!
– Look, Simba! Everything the light touches… is Lewis / Harris.
– What about that shadowy place?
– That’s Harris / Lewis. It’s beyond our borders. You must never go there, Simba.
(Substitute Hilton and Balintore, Ross-shire and Sutherland, Glasgow and Edinburgh… )
Anns an taigh-bìdh / In the restaurant
Duine: Gabhaibh mo leisgeul , ach chunnaic mi gun robh ur òrdag anns a’ bhrot agam!
Fear-frithealaidh- Mòran taing airson ur cùraim, ach cha ro e cho teth ri sin!
– Waiter, I saw you had your thumb in my soup!
– Thank you for your concern, but it wasn’t that hot!
Boireannach: Seall seo ! Tha losgann anns a’ bhrot agam!
Fear-frithealaidh: Tha mi uabhasach duilich, tha a’ chuileag air làithean-saora!
– Waiter, there’s a frog in my soup!
– I’m terribly sorry, but the fly’s on holiday!
Fear-frithealaidh (as dèidh a’ bhìdh): Bu toil leibh tì no cofaidh a-nis?
Duine 1: Gabhaidh mi tì.
Duine 2: Gabhaidh agus mise. Ach feuch gum bi an cupa glan an turas seo!
(Tha am fear-frithealaidh a’ dol dhan chidsin agus a’ tighinn air ais.)
Fear-frithealaidh: Seo an tì dhuibh. Cò aig an robh an cupa glan a-rithist?
Waiter (after the meal): Would you like tea or coffee now?
Customer 1: Tea, please.
Customer 2: Tea for me too – but make sure the cup is clean this time!
(Waiter goes off to the kitchen and comes back.)
Waiter: Here are your teas. Whose was the clean cup again?
Duine: Seallaibh ris a’ chearc seo! Chan e ach craiceann is cnàmhan a th’ innte!
Fear-frithealaidh- Tha mi uabhasach duilich; am bu toil leibh na h-iteagan cuideachd?
Customer: Waiter, look at this chicken! It’s nothing but skin and bones.
Waiter: I’m terribly sorry; would you like the feathers, too?
And tonight on “Eorpa” : We visit Japan, where Nemo has at last been found…
Taing do dh’Akerbeltz / thanks to Akerbeltz for the cartoons!
http://www.foramnagaidhlig.net/foram/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=2220
